*-* 2

with a description to come late. long story short i had the closest thing to cyber sex since middle school. not sure how i feel about the method, but enjoyed it with the person, who i have had relations with before. non cyber relations that is

So seeing as how I intend to catalog EVERY sexual action I'm involved in, but don't really want to give every detail of every single time i masturbate, lets work out some sort of system. I masturbate at lest 2 if not 3 or 4 times a day, so from now on, posts that are marked with *-*will mark each time. I'll count for each day to, a day being marked by the time between i wake up and sleep.

So for today, we are at *-* 1

    So in my profile description I went over the fact that I intend this to be chronicle of all of my sexual experiences from this point on. It may also back track a little for either the purpose of explaining a point or if I'm feeling nostalgic. I fully intend to write out or at least make note of every sexual encounter, be it with someone else or by myself, as well as every close call and even when I my thoughts run to that of sexual philosophy. To prove this point might as well say that when i started writing this (two days ago) I started right after enjoying myself. I also intend to do so again as soon as I am done with this.

    Anyway, I decided to start with while attempting to get some sleep in the bed of a girl who I tend to hook up with quite often. It has never, ever, been sexually satisfying to me. I have never had an orgasm with her, around her, or because of her. She on the other hand climax's every time we get together. Sometimes she will cum multiple times in one night. She has never shown the slightest interest in my genitalia unless its rubbing against hers.

    Now I guess I'm going to have to interrupt this story to explain that a.) I'm not a virgin b.) I've only had full on intercourse once. It wasn't the most satisfying experience in the world, as I understand your first time never is. I was barely able to stay erect during,  and didn't finish inside my partner. Since then i have had what I can only call a mental block on my penis. When I am paired with a partner my phallus gets no further than semi erect. Now I'm under the impression that this is not full on E.D. based on the fact that when I'm rocking out solo it goes right past half mast to the full on erection.  I have yet to see a professional about this, partially due to the embarrassing nature of the problem, as well as not knowing who to talk to in the first place. Moving on.

    So that fact prevents us from engaging in full on coitus. I don't really blame the girl for trying to get off. I mean, thats everyones prerogative during hook ups. But the problem is that she's not concerned at all about me getting off. Its almost like it never crosses her mind. Once she's done she talks about how she needs to sleep, and me being the nice guy I am I don't push the subject, I just let it go. The real question though is WHY I don't pursue my own orgasm, or why in fact i even keep hooking up with her if I'm not getting any satisfaction. The answer is not only sad, but speaks volumes about me. I guess all I'm really looking for is companionship. All I want is someone to sleep next to, someone to spend time with. I find my own bed painfully lonely some times. So I subject myself to this for companionship.

    Now there is another half to this. I also find immense pride in being able to give please to others. I'm not the most attractive guy, a little over weight, and I've got a receding hairline. So I boost my own self esteem with the fact that my looks can be ignored because of my sexual skill. I also seem to just generally enjoy watching other people orgasm and know that I'm responsible for it. It's like having pride of craftsmanship.  " Hey, I can't make a chair, but I can make one hell of an orgasm." So I put up with it. I then go home and get myself off.

    So to return to my original point, I was lying in her bed after after finishing her off with some rather hot dry humping, and I was thinking to myself about the unsatisfying nature of my love life. I thought to myself that if i could just write it all out, and keep track of it, i could figure out where I'm going wrong. I also thought, that if I could get some readers, I might be able to get some feedback. So here it is, the start of my sex log.